A Mother's Ramadan

I got my backpack ready, making sure I’ve packed something for the kids to eat, oh and not to forget their little plastic glass to drink water! With a few minutes to go, I find out one of them has pooped in their diaper, hence, ensues the mad rush of a diaper change before we pack ourselves in the car. No, we are not going on a journey. We are going to the Masjid for Taraweeh prayers in Ramadan!

Mid-prayer, I run after my 1 year old who is for the 100th time putting something fishy in her mouth. I hold her in my arms while I pray and she constantly tries to wriggle out of my grasp. It’s like wrestling with a shark! Meanwhile my 3 year old tries to take off my glasses and pulls his sister’s legs, wanting to be in my arms as well. Tears stream down my face as I try to concentrate on the Words of Allah. Praying for help, for ease, while the words 

إياك  نعبد و إياك نستعين 

ring in my ears. After all, who else can help me but Him? 

I get everything ready for Suhoor and am about to take it to my husband when I notice we only have 15 minutes to go till the Adhaan. My one year old suddenly decides to join in as she wakes up wailing at the top of her voice waking her brother up in the process. As I hold the little one in my arms, her brother wants water from his father. We somehow manage to east enough till the Adhaan sounds. 

Before Ramadan started, I was so excited as it was the first Ramadan that finally I would be able to fast. I salivated over all the #RamadanBasket posts on Instagram and mentally made a list of all the things I wanted to do this month. Reality, however, had different plans. So different that a blog post written mid-Ramadan is finally being completed once it is almost Eid. 

What kept me going through this month, you ask? Tawakkul (Trust) in Allah and His plans. The consolation that came through His words during Taraweeh in those blessed moments when I could concentrate enough. And a thought struck me which made me spend the rest of my Ramadan with a lot more gratitude. 

When you feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities that prevent you from giving your full due to your ibadah, just think of the time when you prayed frantically for the very things that seem like a burden to you now. I thought of my prayers of four years ago, so much more khushoo and so much more concentration yet what did I pray for? A pious spouse and righteous children. Four years later Allah gave me the blessed opportunity to not only witness Ramadan again but to be able to pray in the Masjid despite the challenges. He gave me a righteous spouse and two beautiful children who I now need to focus on raising as His righteous slaves. 

THIS IS MY IBADAH. And may He accept it with the fasting and the prayers and the little Quran I managed to read with a heavy heart. On this 29th night I pray for ease for all the mothers, and for all those who are praying to become mothers. 

May you all have a blessed few hours that are left of Ramadan, and a wonderful Eid!