A Mother's Ramadan

I got my backpack ready, making sure I’ve packed something for the kids to eat, oh and not to forget their little plastic glass to drink water! With a few minutes to go, I find out one of them has pooped in their diaper, hence, ensues the mad rush of a diaper change before we pack ourselves in the car. No, we are not going on a journey. We are going to the Masjid for Taraweeh prayers in Ramadan!

Mid-prayer, I run after my 1 year old who is for the 100th time putting something fishy in her mouth. I hold her in my arms while I pray and she constantly tries to wriggle out of my grasp. It’s like wrestling with a shark! Meanwhile my 3 year old tries to take off my glasses and pulls his sister’s legs, wanting to be in my arms as well. Tears stream down my face as I try to concentrate on the Words of Allah. Praying for help, for ease, while the words 

إياك  نعبد و إياك نستعين 

ring in my ears. After all, who else can help me but Him? 

I get everything ready for Suhoor and am about to take it to my husband when I notice we only have 15 minutes to go till the Adhaan. My one year old suddenly decides to join in as she wakes up wailing at the top of her voice waking her brother up in the process. As I hold the little one in my arms, her brother wants water from his father. We somehow manage to east enough till the Adhaan sounds. 

Before Ramadan started, I was so excited as it was the first Ramadan that finally I would be able to fast. I salivated over all the #RamadanBasket posts on Instagram and mentally made a list of all the things I wanted to do this month. Reality, however, had different plans. So different that a blog post written mid-Ramadan is finally being completed once it is almost Eid. 

What kept me going through this month, you ask? Tawakkul (Trust) in Allah and His plans. The consolation that came through His words during Taraweeh in those blessed moments when I could concentrate enough. And a thought struck me which made me spend the rest of my Ramadan with a lot more gratitude. 

When you feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities that prevent you from giving your full due to your ibadah, just think of the time when you prayed frantically for the very things that seem like a burden to you now. I thought of my prayers of four years ago, so much more khushoo and so much more concentration yet what did I pray for? A pious spouse and righteous children. Four years later Allah gave me the blessed opportunity to not only witness Ramadan again but to be able to pray in the Masjid despite the challenges. He gave me a righteous spouse and two beautiful children who I now need to focus on raising as His righteous slaves. 

THIS IS MY IBADAH. And may He accept it with the fasting and the prayers and the little Quran I managed to read with a heavy heart. On this 29th night I pray for ease for all the mothers, and for all those who are praying to become mothers. 

May you all have a blessed few hours that are left of Ramadan, and a wonderful Eid! 

Ramadan with a Toddler in the 21st Century

Bismillah.

This disjointed, random, out-of-the-blue post is typical of my life these days. A phase of life where there are days when I barely have time to go to the bathroom, and days when I find myself listlessly wondering what I should do with my time when my toddler sleeps early.

Being a mother in the social media era has its own challenges. The more the blogs, groups and forums on motherhood, the greater the chaos and the lesser organised are our lives, juggling between screens, wailing children and household chores. And between it all the struggle to make that oh-so-important status update on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram just to make sure the world knows how chaotic organised our lives are.

As if the struggles of motherhood on their own were not enough, add to it the constant battles against society to practice Islam yourself and inculcate its values in your children. Yet, amidst the chaos, that is the very factor that adds an element of much-needed peace in our lives, Alhamdulillah. After all,

Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah . Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured. (13:28, Quran)

That is why, no matter how skeptical I was regarding how I would manage attending Daura-e-Quran and Taraweeh and manage Sehri and Iftar, it's as if Allah's special help made things possible and things just seemed to happen of their own accord, Alhamdulillah. My eyes filled with tears during Taraweeh as I recalled how my 14 month old cried on the first day but gradually adjusted to the new environment and made it easier for me to pray Salah in the masjid. Even though I had hard days when my back would hurt due to running after him and picking him up again and again during Salah, but my heart was still full of gratitude for just the opportunity of doing more than I ever thought was possible.

Therefore, I'm writing this for all the mothers struggling and feeling guilty that you cannot do enough worship during Ramadan. Do not lose heart! Yes, you are already doing the most important job that you were created for - raising righteous children. Even so, keep trying and you never know how Allah (SWT) makes a way for you to do more acts of worship. The quality of worship may not be the best, but we can be grateful for even the opportunity to do anything that we can, despite all the challenges that we face, Insha Allah!

Edit: Came across this blog post in my drafts from Ramadan 2 years ago, when I was about to post a new one on the same subject. SubhanAllah, that's motherhood for you right there! Thought I'd post this one as well.